Clients who have personality disorders are difficult for the attorney to manage and attorneys do not always have the option of getting out of the case. These kinds of clients are difficult because they have little insight into their own behavior. They repeat the same behavior patterns over and over again. The way that they act with you is the same way that they act with other people.
A person who has a borderline personality disorder may initially present in your office as warm, engaging, poised, and charming. As the two of you speak, you find yourself being drawn into this person’s world as she recounts the bad behavior that she has endured from her husband.
In your initial interview with her, you learn that she has been to several of your colleagues. When you ask the reason that she left them, she tells you that they did not understand her position or that they were too busy, incompetent, or had an associate handle her issues. She came to you at the recommendation of a friend, who was pleased with the “highly skillful and compassionate” way that you had handled her friend’s case. Some of her comments about your colleagues seem plausible and it is certainly flattering to be told that you are considered highly skilled. As you work with her, she periodically calls your office numerous times stating there was an “emergency” that “only you” could handle despite attempts by your staff to assist her. She refuses to give them any information and when you call her back, the emergency is not what you, or most people, would have considered an emergency. Sometimes, she forgets to come to appointments. When you have told her that she is being billed for the time, she agrees to pay for the missed appointment; yet, when you billed for that time, it is almost impossible to collect your fees.
Attorney and Client
In your appointments with this client, you find at times, that your mind starts to wander or that you are not certain of what was discussed—despite having taken notes. Sometimes, you feel tired, hungry or drained after an appointment. These signs are all indications that may cause the attorney to become hostile toward the client and work less effectively with your client.
Parent and Child
Many people who have personality disorders are terrified of being abandoned. To prevent this from happening, they may foster the child’s dependency and discourage the child’s healthy need for autonomy and growth. Because such parents have difficulty regulating their own emotional states, they will hinder their child’s attempts at separation. In the young child, the dependence and reliance on parents in normal and expected. But, as the child grows older and begins to strive for independence, parents who have personality disorders discourage and devalue the child’s efforts.
Parents who have personality disorders see the world as black and white, good or bad and may perceive a child as being all good. The child, to maintain the parental relationship, sacrifices his/her own independence and self-esteem. In this way, that child becomes parentified—the parent’s caretaker.
Because parents who have personality disorders experience unpredictable mood swings, the home environment is unstable. Children tend to form insecure attachments to the parent with personality disorder because they never really feel safe. They also tend not to bring friends home because the home is so unpredictable.
When you ask your client about her children, she tells you that she “loves being a mother” but they are “very demanding” of her time. This statement seems a little peculiar to you since her two children are under the age of eight and children at this age need a parent more than older children do.
Tips for the Attorney
- Consult with another attorney on case management and for support.
- Refer the client to an experienced therapist who has worked with individuals who have personality disorders so that the therapy can help the person contain some of the anxiety inherent in a legal situation but be prepared for the client to refuse.
- Ask an experienced psychologist to come and speak with you and your staff about some of the disruptive behaviors of such clients and to provide tips on how to keep you and your staff working together while you handle a difficult client.